just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize