Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
