just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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