A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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