Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
