today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
