There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
