I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
