You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
