Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
