that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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