i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
