hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
