im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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