its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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