My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize