You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We left the knife in your bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
