ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
