We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize