we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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