6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize
