Cold hands, warm shart.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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