On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize