a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
