i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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