I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize