that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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