Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
