Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
