I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
