Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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