Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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