Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
