True but thats because hes a fetus.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
