tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We need a shit load of segways right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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