How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
