i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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