To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
