An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
