And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
