i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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