I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
