i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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