btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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