you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
