One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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