remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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