You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize