dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
