Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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