great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
