Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
