I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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