i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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