I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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