life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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