I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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