It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
