Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
