Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need water and some morals
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
