guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sober January is a disaster.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
