Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
