I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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