she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
