I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
