We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
