Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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