Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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