woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
