Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
