My nipple is on Facebook.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize