just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
