I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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