One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
