kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
