omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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