Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
