Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
