please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
