fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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