Whoa Z and x make the same sound
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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