I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
